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July 12, 2008

By Karen Cortell Reisman, MS

For the past 11 years, I've walked three times a week for one hour with Judy, usually starting at 6 a.m. Whether it's as hot as rocket fumes, or as cold as stalagmites in a cave, we're clocking the miles. This routine of 60 minutes of conversation while moving the legs is great for the body, and imperative for the mind and soul.

In "Physics and Beyond: Encounters and Conversations," Werner Heisenberg states that, "Science is rooted in conversations." He claims that conversations he had with Einstein, Bohr, and others reshaped traditional physics. He understands that these conversations had a lasting effect on his thinking, which literally gave birth to many of his theories.

I'm not claiming that Judy and I are reshaping physics! Rather, these conversations refine our thought process, make us laugh, keep us sane, and help us find solutions!

I suggest that the conversations YOU have with your team, your patients, and your loved ones can also be healthy catalysts for growth and resolution.

Using Peter Senge's principles from his book, "The Fifth Discipline," here are the two rules for effective conversation.

1. Be hard on the issue, and soft on the person.
2. Have a dialogue rather than a discussion.

Be hard on the issue, and soft on the person

There is this cartoon of seven people sitting around a boardroom table in a mitten factory. The caption reads, "For heaven's sake, we're a mitten factory. When something goes wrong we can't start pointing fingers!"

When having a conversation about a controversial situation, imagine that you're wearing mittens. You can't point fingers at anyone. All you can do is embrace the issue at hand.

Use this phrase as your mantra, "It's all about the issue. It's NOT about the person."

Have a dialogue rather than a discussion

As Senge discusses in "The Fifth Discipline" ... "in the absence of a skilled facilitator, our habits of thought continually pull us toward discussion and away from dialogue."

In this article I want to show you how to become a skilled facilitator for dialogue, using Senge's approach.

First, here are some definitions.

Discussion: same root as percussion and concussion. It's like a Ping-Pong game where a ball is hit back and forth with the purpose to win. In this case, winning means to have one's views accepted by the group.

Dialogue: comes from the Greek dialogos. Dia means through. Logos means the word or meaning. In essence, dialogue is a free flow of meaning between people. The purpose of a dialogue is not to win, but to go beyond any one individual's understanding.

Now for the strategy for conversation via dialogue.

1. All participants must suspend their assumptions. This can only be done by taking your own opinions and laying them aside. Have you ever thought or said, "This is the way it's always done," or "I know exactly what the outcome should be," or "I am going to dig in my heels here?" This thought process kills dialogue.

The challenge here is that this principle applies to EVERYONE in the dialogue. Suspending assumptions must be done collectively, and this is hard to do! Here's the mind-set — Pretend the issue is a brand new idea or challenge. There is no past baggage.

2. All participants must regard one another as colleagues. Thought is participative. Senge comments, "The conscious act of thinking of each other as colleagues contributes toward interacting as colleagues. This may sound simple, but it can make a profound difference."

Colleagueship does not mean that you need to agree or share the same views. It does mean that you see someone not as adversarial, but as a colleague with a different view. Refer back to the first rule — hard on the issue, soft on the person.

3. All participants must have a spirit of inquiry.

"The Fifth Discipline" reveals the art and practice of a Learning Organization. Senge suggests that a healthy team is not characterized by the absence of conflict. To the contrary, a Learning Organization has plenty of conflicts. "In great teams conflict becomes productive."

The art is to balance discussion and dialogue. For your teams, grasp the fact that in a discussion different views are presented and defended. In dialogue, different views are presented as a means toward discovering a new view. Both dialogue and discussion can lead to new courses of action; but actions are often the focus of discussion, whereas new actions emerge as a by-product of dialogue (Senge, p. 247).

I'm now off to go walk with Judy ... to continue our dialogue about the issues of the day.

© Karen Cortell Reisman, MS

Karen Cortell Reisman, MS, author of two books, speaks about Einstein, her cousin, in a one-woman show, "Letters From Einstein," intertwining personal letters from Einstein in a message about how to thrive in this crazy world. She also speaks about how to Speak For Yourself® so others listen and trust you. To buy Karen's books or purchase other learning tools, go to www.LettersFromEinstein.com or www.SpeakForYourself.com.

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